If you don’t like your relationship status or predicament, and you want to change it — maybe you want a new relationship or to deepen the one you’re in — the answer to your “problem” can be found by taking a closer look at yourself. That’s because our external world mirrors our internal world.
Put another way: Your internal world creates your external “reality.”
In order to change, the first step is to examine any energetic blocks — or subconscious limiting beliefs (which, btw, are just a collection of hundreds of thoughts) you’re holding around relationships, including your relationship to self. Note that these beliefs are not often found in our conscious, everyday thoughts, but buried deep inside our psyche. And they are the core reason we attract the “unwanted” and/or engage in self-sabotaging behaviors.
Journaling is the most powerful way to focus our thoughts — and in my experience, often you will get help from above (from your higher self, spirit guides, departed loved ones, etc.). And it’s a safe space to write anything and everything that comes to mind. You can literally burn up the page if you’re worried someone might read it.
Here are some journaling prompts that can help you get to the heart of anything holding you back in your relationships:
What were the relationship dynamics I witnessed as a child? For example, did I witness a parent settling for less in love? (Our subconscious mind gets deeply imprinted as a child, particularly before the age of 7. So if you witnessed this dynamic, you likely took it on as your reality, too. Meaning, your “normal” became to settle for less in love.)
What defines my worth? Is it looks or money or career status? Or do I believe that my worth is not a question, but an unchangeable fact?
What do I want out of a relationship, on a deep level? What do I believe I’m “lacking” that a partner could satisfy? Does this feel empowered — or not? (For example, maybe you’re looking for security. Is that because you can’t create that yourself, or because you’re looking for a partner to co-create that feeling of safety?)
What am I afraid of related to finding love or in my relationship — and why? Hint: This often ties back to childhood. Say you were emotionally neglected as a kid. Now, in relationships, you might have an unconscious expectation of not being emotionally supported or fulfilled by your partner. That’s what you expect, and so that’s what you’ll receive.
Excavating old, deeply ingrained beliefs can be a painful process. Be gentle with yourself. Take things slowly. Remember, this is not a race. You have all the time in the world. As always, seek out support if needed.
Above all, KNOW in your heart that you can change how you show up in your relationship and when seeking out a partner. You can absolutely rewire your brain (neuroscience says so!) to create the loving relationship that’s waiting for you. It’s not an overnight process, but you are SO worth it!